In every generation an idiot is born...part I

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In every generation an idiot is born. Yeah, that’ s me. For sure.

Let me tell you why. First of all, I am falling in love every two seconds even though I am supposedly happily married to a very good guy. Like this morning when I peered into the morning paper. There was a picture of a guy who didn’t look much older than me, yet it said there that he was aged 44 ( I look like 25, though, I am a bit older than that) and according to the paper he was a Jesuit priest, which goes with a big UNAVAILABLE-sign. Not that I am really available. I still have to get used to the idea that I got married, whatever that means. That gorgeous man from the paper let my heart jump, easily, quite easily that is. I just looked at his photograph and boom, I fell in love. Or similar. There was lots of blood rushing through my body. It reminded me of Saturday shopping when all people gather in supermarkets because everything is closed on a Sunday, and they probably feel the end of the civilization arriving soon.
Anyway. What I was meaning to talk to you about is that I am completely insecure. Being supernatural as I am – I will tell you later of my supernatural ways and why I know that they exist – it is hard for me to find a mortal job. Or let’s say: a job for mortals. I have some kind of a mortal degree that I am not really interested in because when I took it up, it was just to be as close to the human race as possible. But, actually having the degree, I find it even harder to compete with those people.
Sure, with my 2000 years, I should be able to know a few things more than mortals. The fact is, the older I get the less I know. Those creatures are not as easy to define as you might think. Also, I have to say that I have been sleeping for the last 30 years. When I woke up in front of a computer – that was actually the size of a paper notebook!!! – you can imagine how great my surprise was! I didn’t scream because screaming would have been useless since I was kept in a dungeon. They (still have no idea who ‘they’ were) told me that I have missed quite a bit of evolution, and that I am supposed to be constantly surprised in the future since a lot has changed. Yeah, even tea bags got developed. Jesus, one would think that tea bags needed no development!
The guy who rescued me from the dungeon is my husband today. Not that it was his sole purpose for coming into the dungeon to rescue a hypochondriac like me. Anyway, he did it because he was sort of impressed that I got to meet Caligula in those days. And let me tell you something important, that Caligula-man was quite a genius! Of course, he was a bit deranged, but who wouldn’t be in his position? Anyway, he was cute, and if I am not too much mistaken, I really got to like the guy even though he could be as cruel as hell. Perhaps, the villain-thing is what really got me interested in him, and the fact that he ruled almost half of the civilized world. Not to mention his vast riches, also below the belt. I was always a bit of an upper class supernatural person. What else can I say..

The guys who put me to sleep were actually my friends. The advised some sort of recreational rest – I should sleep a little and be fed with some sort of knowledge, like leading the universe, and so on. Instead, when I was woken up by a completely different set of people around me, I realized that all my knowledge of ‘management of the universe’ couldn’t help me lead a tiny company, not even to mention a nation. Anyway, the weird thing is that I gathered knowledge about those 1980’s lawnmowers and how to repair them. What the hell was that about? Was I supposed to work as a gardener? God, I honestly believe that they mixed up some educational material when it came to me – perhaps a tape got stuck, or something. You want dates? Good. I think I can still remember that the night they put me to sleep was June, 22nd 1970. And I woke up on the same date in year 2000. Vietnam War was long over. And the photo cameras they developed nowadays I could not even grasp with my previous knowledge. Everything was electronic in year 2000, and is still now. It's getting worse, I should think. I wouldn’t be much amazed if they built an electronic toilet that usurps the urine before it actually leaves the body in a few years.
In every generation an idiot is born, and sometimes it takes a lot of generations for the idiot to disappear. Yes, that’s me again. When I was young, in 38 AD, they didn’t even have toilet tissue, not to mention electricity. Instead, in the fine households they used some sort of rough sponge that was cleared with water afterwards. The crappy households didn’t have water, so they were somehow depraved of this opportunity. They would have used leaves, or their bare hands to clean them. Not that they were clean afterwards. Since I mixed only in the best society I wasn’t really curious as to how the lower classes cleaned their bottoms.
Me, I am not a vampire. Bless you, but not all that lives long is of vampiric origin. Instead, I was born human, as you all were, I suppose. The thing with me was that I couldn’t stop living. Suppose, that’s what makes me supernatural. Or the fact that I can move lifeless things with my mind. When I am bored I am sitting in a chair and slamming doors with my mind. What else can one do being truly bored? One could do a lot of things actually. From painting the walls to creating an online-profile. But since the wall-painting would require a lot of unavailable energy, and since the simple word ‘online’ still lets my hair stand on end, I am quite satisfied with slamming the doors. This way my neighbours are able to feel the real suffering. That makes me part of this civilisation, if nothing else. The fact is, though, I couldn’t move anything with my mind when I was born, not even my mum to buy me a puppy. That’s the one asset that comes with aging. Or with being awoken after 30 years of learning something really, really ...boring?

Anyway, gotta go. Meet you in appr. 5 hours after I am done with what I have to do. I am telling you, this is going to be fun... TO BE CONTINUED - but only if you wish so..
Please, tell me if you want to know some more. :-)